Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Daughters

I'm on the Isle of Wight right now, and I hope to post some stuff that's going on here soon. I have a few pics, but here's something I should've posted for ages.

Of course you all know about baby E, right? She's the newest Owl, and my beautiful baby daughter.

Baby E models in the garden

But I have two other daughters. These are those wonderful two people, who I don't see often enough, and that I love so very dearly.

This is them, the wonderful and beautiful T and C.

T and C

This was last week, on Thursday evening, when they visited for tea. Why they insist on sticking their tongues out for photographs is beyond me...

C is the airy girl. She's so loving and sweet, always thoughtful.

C swings high

T is more of the rock chick. A little older, she's a strong willed, complex girl, but she loves to rock. This is T on her rocker.

T on her rocker

Notice the tongue thing again!

They're my daughters. They are 14 and 11, and this is incredible to me. They're a wonder to me, all the time, and I love them. I have let them down terribly, and hope that I can make it up to them in time. I don't know how, I just hope that I can.

There's nothing like having a couple of independent, free spirited and strong women as your daughters. I need to write so much more about them, but here I can only be brief. I feel a huge amount of guilt for the past with my daughters, but they're an inspiration to me. An inspiration that I hope will lead to us having a better future. They just deserve it, absolutely.

My daughters

59 Comments:

Blogger Herge Smith said...

Fab pics Spirit - the kids kick ass.

Having a lovely time on the Isle?

12:31 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

Pretty good, pretty good! :) There's rain and stuff, but we saw Madagascar, and went to Amazon World where we looked at little penguins and fist sized monkeys. How good can life get?

12:48 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger cali said...

Just be you, that's all you need to do make it up with them, if you even really need to.

But ..... I thought Madagascar was off the east coast of Africa - how the hell can you see it from off the coast of Britain? They moved it?

1:06 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Foreverdad said...

SOO...Great looking kids and great sight. I understand letting people down. Try and not look back too much and look forward. Kids are a pretty forgiving bunch. They will not be as hard on you as you will be on you. Love em all you can

1:21 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Herge Smith said...

Fist sized monkeys???

What what what??

Is that some sort of perverse sexual practice?

Is that legal in the Isle is a tad wild, but I think that may be a set too far.

1:39 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger pissoff said...

Have fun Owly. The girls are beautiful.

1:59 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Chicka said...

Must. Not. Respond. Regarding. Spanking. Monkeys....

Oh dammit!

2:16 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

cali - We'll see. I think I do.

Madagascar? You've got to move it move it.

foreverdad - I will, I just can't believe it will be enough. Thanks though, I appreciate it. :)

herge - I kid you not, seriously, fist sized monkeys with even smaller monkeys clinging to their backs. I'm told they were baby monkeys. I think it was much more sinister, and have informed the authorities. Who hung up, so it is clearly serious.

2:31 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Anthony said...

Darn. Someone made the Madagascar comment I wanted to use.

2:32 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

Think of blog comment witticisms like department store sale mornings:- many will be left frustrated knowing their coin was as good as anyone elses but that they simply didn't get there in time for the best stock.

2:44 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

pissoff - Thanks. I love em, so I guess they always look beautiful to me. :) We're having fun on the IOW!

goob - I never spanked a monkey that either didn't ask for it or didn't take money for it.

3:01 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger gone said...

It seems you have reached a turning point of sorts. Go ahead. Take the plunge.

3:06 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger CheyenneWay said...

awesome pics. They remind me of my nieces. I know how you feel to an extent my friend. I am constantly thinking that I could be a better uncle and such. The thing is after awhile I just realize, Hey im there uncle and thats it. Kinda like, hey thats my dad and thats it. No matter what goes on in life were always going to be unique and loved by our family. I know my dad wasnt around when i was younger but he changed his ways recently and its all good to me. Just be their father and thats all they want in the world.

3:34 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger MHN for short said...

Beautiful ladies and bebe! Try not to beat yourself up too bad. Just be straight with the girls when they ask what happened. They'll understand. Love them now. (hugs)

3:44 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Connie said...

Very sweet ladies you have their! Even you charming Riot grrrrl!

4:06 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Comfort Addict said...

Those are great pictures all. You are a lucky man, my friend. I'm looking forward to your posts on the Isle of Wight (if it's not too dear).

9:12 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Lost said...

Beautiful girls - all three.
You are their Dad and they love you, don't dwell on the past just love them now, it's all they want from you.
Hope you are having a good time on your hols.

9:58 am, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Übermilf said...

Maybe you feel guilt, but think of the wonderful lesson you're teaching them: get back up after falling.

Everybody makes mistakes. Do you run away and compound them, or face them and repair them? You are facing and repairing, and that is the bravest, strongest thing a person can do.

Stay the course, Owl! Your daughters are lucky to have you as a dad, mistakes and all!

1:50 pm, July 27, 2005  
Blogger diadima said...

i love that they visit for tea.

tea.

sorry, i'm an ignorant canadian and i can't help but be amused by the tea thing.

4:11 pm, July 27, 2005  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Your 14-year-old daughter could hang out with my 14-year-old daughter. They really look they they're cut from the same cloth! Looks like you had your A game going when you made those two. Good work, Spirit.

4:35 pm, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Brookelina said...

Beautiful.

5:16 pm, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Celti said...

They're beautiful. Just love them and let them know how much, and I'm sure you'll do fine.
*hugs*

Oh, by the way, Omega is back. :)

7:48 pm, July 27, 2005  
Blogger Karen said...

You're living a complicated life, but you're tackling the challenges head on, so my hat is off to you. :)

1:46 am, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Celti said...

oh, I see you already knew that Omega is back. lol

BTW - tell your oldest that I totally dig her skirt. :)

1:55 am, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Bill said...

Awesome pics... appears to me you're having a great time!! Enjoy!

2:31 am, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Ragge said...

Great photos!
Happy for yer.

Hope you're still having a great time at the Isle of W.

2:44 am, July 28, 2005  
Blogger im here somewhere said...

dont wait 25 years to tell them that you love them...


dammit, your making me cry again.

5:28 am, July 28, 2005  
Blogger evercurious said...

They are lovely and look happy. You should be proud. I bet you are a wonderful dad and they know it. At least you have the decency to be a part of their lives, despite the past. I hope you are having a wonderful time.

8:20 am, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Beth said...

Oh, Mr. Owl, this post hit me in the heart again and again. It is NEVER too late to re-establish bonds with your children. Don't give up, give your whole heart, and your two daughters will blossom because of it. A girl needs her daddy. Plain and simple.

Lovely pictures. =)

1:39 pm, July 28, 2005  
Blogger Chicka said...

Ok, Owl. Now you've gone and done it. Now I get serious.

I cannot tell you how hard it was for me at my father's funeral. We had years and years that we were at each other's throats and to be honest, many days I wished him dead, like many kids do. (Preteen years are just lurvely.)

We were too much alike and just grated on each others nerves. He was a tough man, hard exterior, with a lot of adversity in his life. And there were many reasons for his behavior - depression, anxiety and possibly being bipolar to name a few. (Back then they didn't recognize bipolar. In fact, they barely recognized depression.)

To make a really long story short, we made our peace after I moved out of the house. We would talk on the phone all the time and visit at least every couple of months. (I moved two states away.) My father was there for me regardless of our past, but there were still things I never told him.

I remember the day the call came - I'm fairly premanatory so before I even picked up the phone I told Mike "don't answer that. If you don't answer that, it can't be true." My father died six weeks before Mike and I were married.

I am so glad we had a chance to make our peace before he left for good. My brother didn't get that opportunity and to this day holds a lot of regret in his life.

Please PLEASE tell your children how much you love them. No matter how inadequate you feel or how much arguing you do - be there for them. They need you no matter what airs they may put on.

Get off the computer and go call them now. And give them hugs from the ol' Goob.

4:09 pm, July 28, 2005  
Blogger gone said...

you have beautiful girls and I have faith that you will have so many blessed times with them. my daughter does the tongue thing in pics too, although she is 11 months. come to think of it, i might have stuck out my tongue out in pictures when i was between 11 and 14, maybe i just like the idea. it's innocent, fun, and makes me think they are a joyful bunch.

6:53 pm, July 28, 2005  
Blogger thordora said...

SO cool your girls are. I cannot wait until mine are older.

They look so happy.

7:22 pm, July 28, 2005  
Blogger -Kami- said...

Great to see the other girls. They are darling.

2:21 am, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

I have to say thanks to all of you.

There are so many people here that I wish I could come round and speak to. Speak to. And listen to. And be with. Maybe it's best that I can't, and am instead limited to...

cbt - There's too much to explain here. You're right, and right again, too. You're a man I hold in the highest regard. The highest.

cheyenne - I never went away. I just wasn't complete.

mhn - Be sure, I love them. :)

connie - Yeah she'd know how to make your patio rock! ;D

comfort addict - I kinda like these pics myself... :)

lost - I bore them with my love.

ubermilf - Oh for fuck's sake.

I have fallen on my butt so many times. I have picked myself up so many times. I have come and gone from next to dead to the fucking next big thing like those irritating don't die birthday candles enough times in my life to know that this fight is another fight to the death, and that one day I'll lose.

For crying out loud, I am ever so nearly next to sane. Fuck anything else. From this perspective I have right now, we're all going wahay on the same slide.

;)

diadima - Ritual is the foundation of humanity. How sad is that.

?

mr schprock - Wow! I think they're kinda cute too! :)

brooke - :)

celti - I hear you. I try.I tell them so much I embarrass them. :)

karen - It is complicated! But it's just life, right? I don't know any more.

celti - I will! LOL

bill - Thanks! We're getting along! :)

ragnvald - Hey, I'm doing great, thanks. I want you to get back around to doing great. THROW A FUCKING FRISBIE! :D

lilred - I tell them all I can. I hold them when I can. I know how they smell, and what they feel like when they're scared, when they're needy. I know their hearts when they ask for things they need, things they want, and things they wish. I love them, but I've been shit. Don't fucking cry.

evercurious - I don't even know what a "wonderful dad" would be. I just don't. I haven't been it, though. I'm a guy waking up from a train wreck and trying to fix what's there, but I should never have let the train crash.

Don't let any support given to me here make you think that what I've done is ok. It isn't. But there are people who work with, and not against, and I'm fucking grateful for them. :)

gk - I never lost all contact, but when you're living behind a bin or your house has no phone and you have no money contact is hard to keep up. An excuse? Whatever. There was a period of almost a year when I lost contact with my daughters. I always knew what was happening to them through my sisters and my mother, but it was a shitty time. And it wasn't the only time. But it was the longest. I have been a shit dad for these two children. Don't support me.

Course, they are beautiful, though. :)

queen - Thank you. Thank you so much for telling me that. My sincerest hope is that I can somehow build a relationship with my daughters. They are spectacular people, as far as I'm concerned.

Queen, I love you so much it hurts.

sweet decline - But your baby is the cutest and funniest baby in the world! Well, alright, after Baby E. of course :) Thank you so much for your kindness.

Thordora - Thank you. Of course you know that when your daughters are older you'll wish they were younger, right? :) And besides, I make them look happy with devices and threats... Muhwaaahaahahaaa! :D

kami - Thank you. They are! ;D

2:41 am, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Chris said...

((**(Owl)**)) hiya honey! I am so happy to hear that you are having such a lovely time on your Holiday. Your girls are absolutely gorgeous! It is never too late to let them know how you feel about them and to let them back into your life honey. My girls know pretty much everything about me, I am open and honest with them and can only hope that they will learn from my mistakes and of course they will make their own mistakes but it will then be my job to console them and nurture them and let them know how very much I love them.. then smack them on their dumb asses for doing whatever it was that they did.. lol.. but seriously my friend, god be with you and your family, it is tough but soooooooo fucking worth it.. I think I am going to go to hell now because I used god & fucking in the same sentence.. hehe.. XXOOXXOO doll!

4:34 am, July 29, 2005  
Blogger Celti said...

*squeeeeezes owl*

that is all. :)

7:16 pm, July 29, 2005  
Blogger MHN for short said...

I know you do, baby! :-D Can't help it, can ya? I'm the same way. Much love and affection to you and yours!!!

8:18 pm, July 29, 2005  
Blogger im here somewhere said...

sorry, i was crying because i was thinking about my peice of shit dad whom ive seen 4 times in my life. he thought he's make it up to me by showing up in the delivery room while i was giving birth(no thanks to my mom) but i threw him out. i always hoped that he talked about missing me like you talk about missing your daughters..but he doesnt. my ex overheard someone ask my dad along time ago if he had any kids and he said "yes i have 4 sons" he didnt even claim me as part of his world. thats what made me cry.
im happy to hear that you love them with all of your heart and feel guilty for not being with them. that is a very rare quality in men. i shouldnt say that, but im a litttle biased..k, fuck, im gonna cry again..

8:54 pm, July 30, 2005  
Blogger Captain Beefheart said...

Cool kids - they'll break your heart one day along with every guy they meet. Nice one dude

8:52 pm, July 31, 2005  
Blogger evercurious said...

To explain, a wonderful dad in my opinion is one who gives a damn. One who takes the time to realize what a gift he has and knows that a father is important to his daughter. I wish my dad was visiting with me, taking happy photos and at least tried to make up for his past transgressions. I see that in those pictures. I am happy for you and them.

11:42 pm, July 31, 2005  
Blogger ginonymous said...

i guess i'm responding to owl and queen goob in this..

i can't even think about losing my dad without hurting. i hate it when he talks about his life insurance and how he wants it divided among the "survivors". yes, we joke about all the metal in his teeth, and how i'll be rich when he kicks, but something inside me hurts so much for the fact that one day it won't be funny anymore.

and he's an ass! he's an absolute ass who can hurt me like none other, and makes jokes about me, about my bipolar, whatever little secrets i'm trying to hide, and it doens't make any difference. he's not even close to perfect, but he is who he is and i love him no less.

if you can establish a relationship with your daughters, you owe it to them and yourself to try. i've only got my perspective on the situation, and regardless of anything, he's my old man, and he's my friend.

when i saw "big fish" i bawled like a child. don't let the opportunity pass you by.

love to you and yours, and hope you're enjoying your holiday..

AA

5:48 am, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Yuri said...

Your daughters are so beautiful!! Their smiles are so cute and peaceful^^!

12:20 pm, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Nick said...

Nice kids Owl. How much you want for them? I know this lady who owns a diamond mine and needs good strong slave labor for excavation. I can get you in on the ground floor so you make a hefty return on your investment. But the time to act is now.

I saw "The Who" play live on the Isle of Wight once. Also Jethro Tull.

4:38 pm, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Übermilf said...

Owl, my support for you is not what you've done in the past, but what you're doing now and will do in the future.

I'm saying, you give kids a lot more when you've made mistakes but make up for them, than pretend you're perfect. Or worse, give up entirely.

So you've done shitty things. Everybody reading your blog or commenting on it has done shitty things.

The test is: do you continue on doing shitty things like a weak coward, or do you bravely embrace the task of making things right and carry on? You're being brave and strong NOW and deserve credit for that, no matter what kind of ass you were before.

8:20 pm, August 01, 2005  
Blogger turboslut said...

That was a wonderful post. Your girls are adorable :)

8:32 pm, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Herge Smith said...

Bloody hell Spirit, enough is enough!! Back to the blog mister, we need your thoughts and wisdom, lickity split.

9:23 pm, August 01, 2005  
Blogger Chicka said...

Amazing Anon, yes. I still love him so much it hurts. I miss him dearly and someday I'll dig up my "I had my very own Santa Claus" post (not sure I posted it on my blog, but I pull it out every christmas). It still tears me up just thinking about what he went through etc.

And yes, as a kid he hurt me like no one could. I think it's becuase we were so much alike and I just didn't see it then. But as I got older, I began to be able to dish it out as well as take it. (I had a metal and leather back brace in my pre-teen years and he used to tease me about lighting me up like a christmas tree or putting me on the roof of the house for a lightning rod - scared the bejeezus out of me.) I also remember times when he would go out with us at a restaurant and put on his act. It was hilarious when I got older, because I used to pat his hand and say, "it's ok Dad. We have to take you back to the home now. THey only let you out on Thursdays." (It was a big joke. He'd demand a cookie for coloring his dinner mat like all the kids do. Waitresses would either play along with the joke or just be appalled. You could really tell which ones had a twisted sense of humor like we did.)

Yep. It was bittersweet, but I just can't let go of the good times. He was a goober, but he was my daddy.

2:30 am, August 02, 2005  
Blogger Melanie was here said...

Your daughters are gorgeous! I hope you and the Owls are having a wonderful vacation, I mean holiday!

1:19 pm, August 02, 2005  
Blogger trinamick said...

Great lookin' girls you got there! Take it from someone who knows - just because you weren't a perfect parent doesn't mean your daughters don't love you. My dad wasn't around much when I was young, but I can still recognize that he's making an effort now. It's the present that counts, not the past.

8:06 pm, August 02, 2005  
Blogger Übermilf said...

I just wanted to make it an even 50.

How are you feeling? Heard you were ill. Hope you're better!

5:17 am, August 04, 2005  
Blogger cali said...

I'm gonna have to go with Herge on this - time for a post my friend.

6:03 am, August 04, 2005  
Blogger Bill said...

Spirit... where or where have you gone?

7:11 pm, August 07, 2005  
Blogger Kris said...

What beautiful children! Their personalities are jumping out of these photos! :)

9:32 pm, August 07, 2005  
Blogger Celti said...

Owl, hope you're ok. I'm starting to get worried...

3:03 pm, August 08, 2005  
Blogger Übermilf said...

Owl... Owl... where are you?

3:21 pm, August 08, 2005  
Blogger Chicka said...

OOOOOOooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwllllllllllllll. Olly, olly, oxen free!

(Hey, email a body at least, wouldja? You're not blogging on time and don't have the decency to call and say you'll be 15 minutes (days?) late? That's it. I want a divorce. (Ok, we already know I need massive amounts of therapy - or vodka - whichever greets me first.)

::whining like my five year old:: Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkkkk......

3:36 pm, August 08, 2005  
Blogger gone said...

Owl. You hold me in the highest regard? That means a lot. Truly. Now. We miss you and patiently await your return.

5:00 pm, August 08, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your daughter rocks... i like her.. ^_^

3:04 am, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Short Poems said...

Beautiful shots!

8:39 pm, September 22, 2011  

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